de ja vu?
I was saving the previous entry in my journals folder when I saw a word document with November 5, 2008 as the file name. It's interesting to see similarities of today and yesterday - says something about my progress in this assignment. Did I make progress? Here's part of the entry written almost one year ago:
Dear God,
... Anyway, today it is Luke 10. The one about Mary
and Martha. I’ve heard this many times before. I know that I am like Martha,
Lord. I maybe happy and enthusiastic to do what you want me to do, but my
attitude needs to change. I need to be still and silent. To listen to you well.
To drink from your well. To rest in you. I’m learning to do that, Lord. Can you
see it? Please help me be a better listener.
“Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me
alone to do all the work? Tell her to help me.” (Luke 10: 40)
Sometimes I’m like Martha. I tell the Lord to
look at me all the time. When I should have been looking at him instead. Palagi
ko pang sinasabi na “Lord, bakit ba ganito ang nangyayari sa kin? Samantalang
yung iba nga na hindi ka kilala, sobrang nag eenjoy sa buhay. Bakit ako, kilala
kita, bakit nahihirapan pa rin ako ng sobra?” And then Inch says, “you know
that it won’t last long” And yes, you made promises. I should know better of
your faithfulness. I’m really like Martha. Always complaining. Even when you’re
already there. Even when I’m already so blessed to have you here with me. I’m
always losing the opportunity to know you more, to be intimate with you, to
learn from you. Why? Because I tend to be busy with many other things.
“Go now, but listen! I am sending you out like
sheep among wolves. Don’t carry a purse,
a bag, or sandals., and don’t waste time talking with people on the road. “
(Luke 10: 3-4)
In short, sabi ni Lord, wag magdala ng pera, ng
make up, ng pencil case, ng kung ano man ang nasa bag ko ngayon, which tell about
my job in this world. Sabi ni Lord, pati
sandals iwan. Pano nalang yung paa ko? Yung comfort ko? God was honest enough
to tell us that following him would really mean a lot of sacrifices.
Physically, financially. And yet, we
will have our pay (.v7)
And in all these things, Jesus said “Only one
thing is important.” Knowing Jesus is the only thing that is important. Not
having money right now is not important. (pero paano yun not important?)
because Jesus will provide. God always provides. What are my other worries
right now? All of them are not important? I worry about being righteous… just
like Martha. I worry about doing my job as a Christian. But it’s not even that
important! Being intimate with God is the most important! And yet, it is the
hardest. Not doing anything, and having faith alone is a very hard thing to do.
Not worrying seems not normal for me. It just seems I don’t care. But it
affects me a lot.
What if suddenly, I wouldn’t care? Not that I
wouldn’t care at all, but what if I don’t get too concerned with the effects of
what I do? What if I just do what I was instructed to do, and do it diligently
for God? Not for the money, not for my students to know God, but simply to give
glory to God. God will do the rest. God will help my students know Him better.
There will always be work to do! So why don’t I
just enjoy everytime I rest? Just like now? There will always be a lot of time
to worry. Why don’t I enjoy the times when I don’t worry because I’m talking to
you.
It’s not about the work, it’s not about my
working ethics. It’s about my attitude towards what God wants me to do. So I’m
teaching. What should my attitude be if God sent me here? So Inch and I are
still together. What should my attitude be towards this gift?
“If peace loving people live there, your
blessing of peace will stay with them. If not, then your blessing will come back to you.” (Chapter 1 v. 6)
Whatever happens, whatever the result, it always
be good for me. I will always be blessed.
Posted by tal at 07:13 PM on November 4, 2009
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can you hear it?
